“I’ve spent most of my life looking through a glass box that was and still is a part of my life at times especially when I’m not consciously aware. However, this wasn’t always a bad thing — it’s what kept me alive and safe in times of desperate need but I’ve come to realize that continuing to put myself in that box, only brought more loneliness, pain and fear,” the reality star, 38, began. “I had used my addiction to numb my reality and embrace the world with no qualms. However, with each drink I drank, especially the last couple of years of my partying days, my fears, and the negative thoughts that slowly got louder and louder in my head, became unbearable. No matter how much I tried to numb I realized that all of the booze in the world I chose to poison myself with was no longer working. In fact, it made everything louder and scarier.”
She continued, “Four years ago when I decided to stop drinking all together, I’m realizing that I’ve been left with peeling away layers upon layers which has ultimately made me get closer to the core of my being, my authentic self. What comes with choosing this path though is that I’m living with fears I’ve never felt before, fears I’m completely foreign to, that I never knew I had, and fears that I never wanted to face.”
